


Clean Start

by PhunkyBrewster



Category: The Walking Dead (TV)
Genre: F/M, Fluff and Angst, My First Work in This Fandom, One Shot
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-08-02
Updated: 2015-08-02
Packaged: 2018-04-12 15:59:23
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,324
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4485831
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/PhunkyBrewster/pseuds/PhunkyBrewster
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>We wash ourselves clean just to get dirty once more. Maggie/Glenn. One-shot.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Clean Start

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Calliope_Soars](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Calliope_Soars/gifts).



> This story is for the lovely Calliope_Soars. Thank you for being you. <3
> 
> Also, this is my very first time writing for the TWD fandom. I hope you all like it. :-)

Showers at the farm, much like the rest of the world, had evolved significantly within those final months. As soon as a trip to the corner store for a bar of soap included the risk of not returning, Maggie had begun to carry out the task with a certain variety of ceremony.  She would give the stream a moment to get warm, then she’d let water soak her hair and trickle down her back as she braced herself against the wall of modest tile and watched the first layer of grime melt onto the porcelain. Her muscles would relax little by little until she was ready to reach for the soap, an unremarkable green bar usually dulled with time. No matter what condition it was in – whether it was freshly opened or melted down to the size of a mossy-colored quarter – she would inhale its scent reverently and momentarily forget a time when ‘groceries’ became ‘supplies’ and skipping a shower or a meal every so often seemed practical. To cleanse meant to prepare her newly scrubbed skin for more dirt, more struggle, and more survival. The faint smell of springtime made it easier to cope with their new reality.

The prison didn’t afford much time for reflection in any form, let alone during shower time. There was always someone around or something to do. It was hard not to fall prey to the industrial feel of their new fortune. Showering just became the brief buffer between tasks and less of a luxury. Maggie accepted the sterilizing aroma of the almost translucent bar with the understanding that now was not the time for comfort, but for rebuilding. Maybe she could appreciate the tepid stream and cold ceramic a little more once the fence was stable, or the garden had flourished, or their little community was more sustainable…

Now, as she stood in the bedroom of their newly gifted house, the strong, traveling fragrance of lavender quickened her heartbeat and turned her stomach. It froze her where she stood and made it hard to steady her breath. It was a scent that Beth would have loved and Hershel would have labeled ‘busy.’ Suddenly and without warning, the smell of soap became a reminder that nothing clean remains clean. Soon their bodies will be muddied and tense and clashing, sprinting entities...because nothing this good is ever meant to stay and what she has left now she can’t bear to lose.

She’s entirely immersed in thought when she feels soft kisses and icy droplets on her shoulder. For a moment she felt guilty about the idea of him tasting her salty skin, which was now a stark contrast to his. The guilt was unwarranted and she knew it, but that didn’t stop the feeling from intensifying.

Maggie turned around until she was finally facing Glenn, who was clad in a faded towel with his sopping hair pushed out of his face. As soon as she was fully turned around he had a hand loosely resting on her waist and a comforting kiss on her forehead. As he pulled back he let his eyes rest on her face in the same softly protective way he’d always looked at her. Out of habit Maggie rested her temple against his, a silent indication that she was fine, even though she wasn’t entirely sure that she was.

“I guess my side would technically be the right.”

She lifted her head at the curiously random declaration, eyebrows furrowed and questioning.

“The bed,” he clarified with a small smile.

“Ah.” Maggie nodded slowly as the right corner of her mouth involuntarily ticked upward. “How do you figure that?”

Glenn looked towards the ceiling as he wrapped an arm more fully around her back.

“Well, if you consider the watch tower at the prison and that old shack, that one time at the farm,” he paused to go over each of their previous lodging situations before nodding definitively. “Yeah, I’m always on the right.”

“Closest to the door,” she added wistfully.

“Closest to the door, yeah.”

“Always my protector, be it shacks or mansions.” A piece of damp fringe fell upon Glenn’s forehead and Maggie took the opportunity to gently push it away. She loved the way he leaned into her touches these days, a habit he acquired after their reunion just before reaching Terminus. Maggie sighed. “I’m not too convinced that setup is necessary here, but I’ll save you the trouble of reminding me that I can never be too safe.”

“Good.”

“No,  _you’re_  good. Too good sometimes, but I wouldn’t have you any other way.”

He smiled appreciatively as he leaned forward and gave her a soft kiss. She hadn’t realized how much time had passed since they had the time and space for little things like affection. Kissing her husband in their room after inconsequential discourse about bed protocol seemed as alien as the sound of playing children outside of their simply dressed window. It felt charming and old-fashioned, but deceptive, much like the rest of Alexandria. Maggie wondered if it was too early to be so suspicious of their new surroundings. It was a habit that she couldn’t turn off. After spending so much time migrating from place to place it just felt irresponsible to believe in the infallibility of anything. All these pastel-painted walls could crash around them at any moment, she was sure of it. Glenn looked at many things with an optimism that was almost as puzzling as it was enviable. Maybe she could learn how to do that someday.

Their kiss was cut short by Glenn pulling back only slightly. “I better get a move on. I don’t wanna keep Deanna waiting too long.”

Maggie was reminded of the brief conversation she had with the town’s leader just that morning. It took her by surprise when Deanna told her that she wanted her to be her assistant of sorts, considering they had barely said more than ten words to each other at that point. Whether it was a matter of her keenly anticipating her leadership abilities or underestimating her physical strength, Maggie wasn’t sure. She just knew that Deanna “had a good feeling about her,” which could really mean anything.

“I could talk to Deanna about switching me to running crew,” she offered before really thinking about it. It’s not like she enjoyed the task all that much before. The only positive about risking her life for possible cans of beans was that it kept the two of them together.

Glenn’s minutely hardened expression, however, let her know immediately that he was not in support of the idea.

“No,” he replied resolutely with a shake of his head. “No, Maggie. I don’t want you doing that.”

“Why the hell not?” Maggie challenged as she took a step back, a hand already flying to her hip. “You know I can handle it. You know more than anyone that I can handle myself.”

“Oh  _course_  you can,” he agreed readily. “You’ve saved my ass more times than I can count. And when we were out there with no real options, when half of our team was injured or sick or separated, we didn’t really have a choice. But look around, babe. Look where we  _are_. 

Maggie watched as he sat on the edge of the bed, letting the tuck of his towel loosen just a little. He reached out and waited for her to take his hand. When she let her fingertips rest on his palms hesitantly, he gently pulled her forward until she was standing directly in front of him. Both of her hands instinctively went to his shoulders as his returned to her hips, trailing his fingertips up and down slowly.

“Here we actually have choices, Maggie,” he continued in a low voice. “Here you don’t have to go back out there and put your life on the line. You are, without a doubt, better at runs than anyone in Alexandria. I don’t need to know them personally to know that’s a fact. But…I like that you don’t have to prove that. I want us to take advantage of that choice. We deserve at least that much.”

He pulled her close and kissed the top of her chest in a way that was wonderfully innocent, as if that was the only place that his lips could reach from where he was sitting. “For once I can go out there and know, without question, that you’re safe. Let’s just have that for as long as we can get it, alright?”

There was still some fight left in her, if she was honest. She never liked to be coddled or sheltered, especially after she’s more than proven that she pull her weight. Still, she knew that her husband wasn’t trying to cage her in some docile role. He simply wanted to revel in the idea that they could return to a life that that didn’t require one hundred percent of themselves at all times. He wanted her to keep a safe distance just because there was just a thing as a ‘safe distance’ now. She understood and appreciated his position enough to drop the idea for now.

“Alright,” she surrendered. “I’ll stay here. For now.”

“Good,” he sighed. “It’s crazy…I’ve always worried about you whenever we did runs or were out there in general, but I guess we never had the time to let that worry catch up to us.”

“I know what you mean.” She kissed the topped of his head, his hair cold and wet against her lips.

“And now that we’re here, I’m starting to feel it. That fear, you know? You don’t need protecting, Maggie, but I can’t help it. I’m going to protect you with everything I’ve got. I won’t lose you. I can’t.”

He looked up at her until his dark eyes met hers. The look of intense love and fierce protection made her grip his shoulders a little tighter. Her heart beat loudly against her chest in a way that she was sure he could hear.

Maggie took the corner of her bottom lip between her teeth. “I’m going to protect you, too,” she promised. “With everything I’ve got.”

* * *

 

As Maggie sat on the couch waiting for Glenn to return she could feel her earlier adrenaline dissipate until there was nothing left but dread. Aiden clearly deserved it, there was no question about that. Glenn was never the type to use his fists unless it was absolutely necessary. She just wished it had been anyone other than Deanna’s son. Now it felt so much bigger than a scuff mark on someone’s ego because while Deanna might have seemed in support of Glenn now, how long would that last? It would eventually be one of the reasons their entire group found themselves on the other side of the wall once again. Surely they would survive it just as they had before, but where would they go?

The fact remained that they were so different from the other residents of Alexandra. They were more knowledgeable, less naïve…if anything did happen they’d more than like have to take the reins. Here, that somehow made them a target instead of an asset. If it hadn’t been Glenn then it would have been Daryl, or Rick, or Tara, or maybe even Carl. It wasn’t his fault; it just added to the conclusion that they were just a puzzle piece that did not fit, no matter how desperately they all wanted to. Maybe they already had been out in the world too long and just hadn’t known it.

She sunk into the cushions, letting her head rest against the back as she rubbed her eyes. She could almost feel Glenn’s anxiety all the way from Deanna’s house and it made her want to sprint over there and somehow shoulder the blame for him, but how was that even possible? It was also a possibility that this was for the best. Maybe showing the severity of these differences now would prevent tons of heartache down the road. Maggie looked towards the blinking, obviously incorrect time displayed on the small digital clock housed on the mantle. He should have been home an hour ago, at least. Blowing out a shaky breath, she tried to quell the urge in her to take to the streets.

Minutes later she could hear the front door creak open. Her right hand flew to her side, reaching for a pistol that wasn’t there.  _Shit_ , she thought.  _I’ve gotta stop doing that._

Glenn, looking more exhausted than she’d seen him in a while, entered the living room slowly. There were still smudges of dirt swiped across the part of his chest that was visible. He let out a rattling sigh that told her that he was just as relieved to see her as she was to see him, and that felt way more sufficient than any ‘hello’ ever could.

“You’re not going to bed, are you?” he asked, his voice soundly much more gravely than she had anticipated. She shook her head.

“Not without you.”

“Good. Can we talk for a little bit?”

“Of course, babe.” Maggie sat back on the couch and tapped the free space next to her. Glenn walked to hear, reached for her hand and remained standing.

“No, not here. Come on.”

Maggie’s right eyebrow dipped questioningly, but she wordlessly took his hand and allowed him to pull her to her feet. He turned and led them towards the bedroom, using his free hand to push the door open. Instead of turning the light on, he turned the corner and pushed another door open, leading them to the bathroom. She could hear him patting the wall until he found the light switch, then he flipped the light on.

“You’re still in your work clothes,” he observed lowly, tugging at the cardigan that one of their neighbors had gifted her upon their arrival. She looked down at his hands as he tugged on the fabric, some of his fingernails still caked with dirt.

“I was too busy waiting on you.” She returned her gaze upward until she was looking in his eyes once more. The corners of his lids crinkled as if he was attempting to smile as he removed the light sweater and let it fall to the floor. He already began working on the top button of her jeans.

“ ‘m sorry, my chat with Deanna ran a little long,” he apologized.

“Is everything okay?”

“Everything’s fine, Maggie, I promise.” Glenn squatted as he gripped the nearest belt loops and dragged the garment down to her ankles. Once she stepped out of them completely, he stood up and gently grabbed her shoulders. “I  _promise_. Do you hear me?”

He looked earnest, so she nodded, despite her lingering worry. She assumed it was enough for him because he returned to the task of undressing her until she was completely naked. Taking only a moment to silently appreciate her form, he leaned towards the tub and positioned the drain stopper before turning the hot water tap.

“The water never gets too hot here,” he explained needlessly. His hands flew to the hem of his shirt as he prepared to undress. Maggie covered his hands with her own, stopping him.

“Let me, sweetheart.” Maggie raised the fabric as he lifted his arms, waiting for her to divest him of the soiled clothing. She bent down to remove his boots, but felt a hand on her shoulder.

“Uh, let me handle those.”

“Why?” she questioned.

“Because they reek,” he admitted, heading towards the door while hopping on one foot, struggling to remove the shoe. “And I love you and very much wish for you to remain attracted to me.”

She had to let out a laugh at his presumption. She had dealt with animals and their droppings for longer than she could remember. Sweaty shoes barely registered in a world full of walkers and cow dung. Still, she found it cute that he a part of him still felt the need to impress her, as ridiculous as the notion was. Once both shoes were removed, he tossed them into the room as if he were throwing them into the void. The relieved look on his face when he turned back towards her was equal parts silly and precious.

Laughingly she asked, “May I continue?”

“Yes, of course,” he sighed. She returned to his pants, unzipped them and mirrored his earlier squatting motion as she removed both his pants and boxers. Unable to help herself, she placed a tiny kiss on the semi salty skin at the top of his hip. When she stood to her feet he placed his hands on her cheeks and took a moment to stare into her eyes. His gaze was simultaneously intense and comfortable, eradicating the need for superfluous words. She could feel his fingers slowly raking into her hair. They were unable to travel far, thanks to the simple elastic band that held her hair in a ponytail.

“Can I?” he asked hopefully.

“Sure.” He peered around to the back of her head and carefully slid the holder out of place and watched her hair fall freely over her shoulders.  Dropping the elastic on top of the counter, he returned to the task of gently scratching her scalp.

“I’m thinking of cutting it,” Maggie almost whispered, not really sure of where that came from. “It’s getting long.”

Glenn nodded absently. “Maybe Jessie can cut it for you? I mean, I love it as it is. It’s your hair, though.”

“Yeah…maybe something really short. I could use a little bit of a change.”

“We could all use a change.” His eyes grew and then he added, “Hey, maybe I can grow out my hair really long!”

“And you were worried about your smelly shoes turning me off?”

There was a brief pause before their laughter echoed off the bathroom walls. “Okay, I hear you,” Glenn said as leaned to turn off the tap. He carefully stepped into the tub and looked to Maggie with a look of pleasant surprise. “It’s actually a little warmer tonight!” He sat down gingerly, opening his legs wide and making a space for her to rest in between them. She obliged, stepping into the tub and immediately feeling that the water was just slightly past tepid, even if it wasn’t anywhere close to hot.

Maggie sat down and rested against his chest, which was somewhat pale in comparison to his deeply tanned forearms that were now wrapped around her shoulder. She could feel the kisses he dropped at the top of her scalp, then on her temple and down the side of her face. They’ve never been able to take a bath together like this. In fact, she’d never really taken a bath with anyone before. While she used to not understand why anyone would want to share such a small space, she had to admit that this was absolutely wonderful. 

He submerged a cupped hand in the bathwater and let it drip down her chest and stomach, repeating the motion over and over again.

“I should have thought this through,” he murmured. “I’m way too dirty to be sharing a bath right now.”

Maggie’s eyes closed at the sound of his voice as the water lapped gently against the both of them with every movement. “I don’t care about that.” She could almost feel him smile.

“You know, most of the time I spent with Deanna was just talking about Alexandria,” he admitted quietly. It took her out of the serene moment and reminded her that not five minutes ago she was racked with worry. She didn’t interrupt him.

“She talked about all the stuff she wanted to do with the place,” he continued. “What they’ve already done, what they plan on doing…did you know that they have sort of a hospital here?”

Maggie nodded slightly. “I heard her mention something about it today, but she didn’t really talk about it much.”

“It’s actually a small house that they renovated,” he explained. “They’re equipped to handle a small range of things, cuts and flu bugs and things like that. But she was talking about how they were nearly ready to accommodate pregnancy and child births, maybe as soon as a few weeks, if Aaron’s next pilgrimage is a success.”

Her breath and heartbeat stilled. They hadn’t talked about starting a family since their time at the prison. She especially hadn’t entertained the idea of new life in any form since Beth died. She didn’t know what to say.

“I’m not saying we should try right this very moment,” he clarified, though his voice sounded unmistakably hopeful, “but maybe we can at least start thinking about it.” He grabbed the loofah hanging from the nearby hook as well as the bar of lavender soap waiting for him in its allotted dish. After dipping the soap and loofah in the water he went to work building up enough lather. Once there was adequate foam he sat them both upright, urging Maggie to scoot forward an inch.

He cleared his throat and continued talking. “I know you’re worried about whether or not this place is it for us, and I get it. Our luck with new homes tends to run out pretty quickly.” Maggie could hear the water dripped behind her just as she felt the Glenn gently scrubbing her back. The lavender scent flooded her nose so quickly that she got temporarily lost in it, almost forgetting to listen to her husband speak until he cleared his throat once more.

“But today was the first day in a long, long time that I didn’t think about finding a cure, or fantasize about returning to the life we had before this epidemic hit. I just thought that we could honestly rebuild here. I feel like there are possible roots here.”

“And Aiden?”

“Aiden has an overinflated ego and Deanna knows it. Trust me, okay? Today didn’t change a thing.”

Maggie shook her head slightly. “For now, maybe, but how long is that supposed to last? What if it gets worse? She’s not going to choose us over her  _son_ –“

“Maggie, he started it. I didn’t want to get into it with him –“

“I know that, Glenn,” Maggie strained to talk over her shoulder just before scooting forward and turning around to face him properly.  “You don’t have to tell me, all right? I was there. Hell, I’ve thrown a punch or two for far less. That’s not the point. I’m just…I’m worried that we’ve been brought to this town as wounded birds. I feel like Alexandria is trying to fix us. What happens when they realize that we can’t be fixed? That we don’t  _need_  fixin’?”

Glenn exhaled slowly as his head bobbed in an almost imperceptible nod, like he was allowing Maggie’s worries to sink in. One of his hands began to gently knead her nearest foot, his thumb pressed into the sole as he rubbed absent-mindedly.

“I think,” he began carefully, “that as much as we need Alexandria, Alexandria needs us way more. And if it doesn’t work out here, then we’ll make it work somewhere else, just as we always have. But I see our family here, all of us… you, me, the ones that aren’t here yet and the ones that never really left.”

At that, Maggie’s eyes stung with tears that she’d been holding onto since their arrival. Swiping her eyes carefully, she made herself susceptible to some of the possibilities she had denied, like watching Glenn rock their tiny, wispy-haired child to sleep, working tirelessly next to Deanna to expand the school, dinners with Sasha and Carol, and laughing with casual girlfriends. The ease in which she could place Beth helping at the hospital and Hershel teaching the community how to tend the garden left a sharp, clawing pain in her chest, but it also helped unearth some of the roots that Glenn spoke of.

Maggie’s breath expelled with a bit of a stutter as she tried to rein in the sudden onslaught of emotions. The soap still on her back began to tighten her skin and the cool air reminded her that she and Glenn could and should be closer. She shifted forward so that she could lay herself on top of him, resting her head against his chest. Glenn slumped downward so that he could better wrap his wet arms around her back. As he peppered kisses at the crown of her head he let out a muffled sigh. Maggie closed her eyes and took a moment to appreciate the feeling of his breathing gently rocking her.

“They would have loved this place,” Maggie murmured.

Glenn nodded against her head. “We’re gonna love it too, I bet. It’ll take some time, but this’ll be our home soon enough.”

Maggie grinned impishly. “Just as long as you don’t go punching any more important people.”

“Just as long as people stop thinking they’re too important to get punched.”

Amused, she looked up to see Glenn’s face, whose small grin gave her the impression that he was only partially joking. Maggie smiled and agreed with a simple “true.” She reached for the discarded loofah and soap on the edge of the tub and leaned forward so that her lips could take loving possession of his. The strengthening lavender scent bolstered her resolve as she licked into his mouth and kissed him as if everything was going to be okay. For the first time since their arrival, she actually believed that it could okay, someday soon.

When they parted, she brought the melting bar of soap and inhaled. “When you’re out there, see if you can get better soap that doesn’t smell quite so busy,” she instructed, lathering the loofah once more. “Then come home to me.”

 


End file.
